Gilbert Gottfried on the sex appeal of a sense of humor

I was talking to this girl once, and she was going on and on about how much she loves Jerry Seinfeld. “He’s the funniest guy on the planet,” she told me. “Every joke he does just makes me scream with laughter.” Being a curious person, I asked her if, given the chance, she’d fuck Jerry Seinfeld. “Oh God no,” she said without thinking about it. “Just because I think he’s funny doesn’t mean I want to have sex with him.” Well, I inquired, what does make you want to have sex with a guy? And I swear to you, the first thing out of her mouth was “A sense of humor.”

It’s like a Pavlovian thing with women. Ask them what they’re looking for in a man, and more often than not they’ll tell you, “Somebody who makes me laugh.” But I’m here to tell you, as a man who has made his living in comedy for more than three decades, that women are full of shit.

Being funny (and I have occasionally been funny) has never gotten me laid in my life. I’m sure you find that shocking. “You mean Gilbert Gottfried isn’t constantly beating off women with a stick?” you’re no doubt wondering. Well, I’m definitely beating...

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