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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I called it yesterday - Rob Ford's poll surge sends Heather Mallick deeper into the depths of madness

Yesterday, I predicted Ford's more than doubling his lead over nearest rival George Smitherman would send Toronto Star columnist and pompous elitist Heather Mallick further along in the public mental breakdown we see evidenced weekly in her columns.

Okay. Fair's fair. I didn't have to be Nostradamus to see that one coming. And for accuracy's sake, it should be observed that Mallick's phenomenal bouts of  irrational exhibitionism may have more to do with her own internal brain chemistry than Rob Ford's popularity. But Ford certainly seems to be a catalyst in the collapse of her coherency.

In the newest installment of our popular feature, "Today's craziness from Heather Mallick", she offers the following:

It is Oct. 26, the day after the election, and you wake in a hard, unfamiliar bed. Your eyeballs are congealed chip fat and your contact lenses have gone crispy. Your liver is en route somewhere. You appear to be missing a tooth. And there's something in bed next to you. It is the sweaty, beer-smelling oik from the bar last night.
Of course, you'll say what you always say, “As God is my witness, I will never ever do this again.”

Interestingly, this isn't the first time Mallick has used the one-night stand analogy in her column. It seems she is making that a monthly feature. I'm not going to speculate on what might be behind this bizarre propensity of hers, since Heather Mallick's sex life is something that should remain the exclusive and private domain of Heather Mallick. If only she felt the same way.

But there's more... sadly, much more..

Then a passing car will dump a gallon of salty brown slush on my head in January as I walk to work. The TTC is pouting, the snowplows are parked, and the gentle City employees who counsel on power and pipes are manning a picket line and warming their hands on those eternally fashionable oil drum fires.
It's all fun until it isn't fun, just like that night you spent with that Ford guy you met in the bar. Ford's monstrous regiment will slip on the icy sidewalks and break their hips. Shovelling their own streets by hand, they will fall into their homemade snowbanks and won't be found till spring. “Bring out the dead,” will come the cry of ragged-trousered volunteer brigades hauling wooden carts.
Status anxiety did us in. Fearing the future and hoarding our own stash of money and self-esteem, we wanted to stick it to the arrogant politicians we resented.

If this were pure satire, as poorly executed as it may be, that would be one thing. But there's a dark malevolence to her words. It doesn't seem as much to be satire as it does the manifestation of a seething hatred.

You can read her column from today's Star in its entirety here, but be warned, if you are under the influence of psychedelic drugs, reading Mallick could cause permanent brain damage. (Which evidently is not an impediment to getting a job as a columnist at The Toronto Star.)

Take a deep breath and make an appointment with your therapist, Heather. When Ford's elected, your taxes will go down, your streets will get repaved, some of your friends who finance their lifestyles with undeserved municipal welfare payments arts grants may actually have to demonstrate to the real world that they have talent, or get a job, so they'll be mooching off you, but otherwise life as you know it will go on.

And you can be grateful for all the many things you'll be able to bitch about.

UPDATE: Best comment of the day and most disturbing image of the campaign: Heather Mallick's "Hate-F#ck with Rob Ford,"  Followed closely by Bob Divine's " I think that woman is hanging out at the wrong kind of bars. "

UPDATE 2: Heather seems to have serious issues and her column is her Talk Therapy


Bob Devine said...

I think that woman is hanging out at the wrong kind of bars.

Richard K said...

Well put, Bob.

Mallick's analogy of Toronto's affection for Ford being akin to having a drunken one-night stand and waking up to the consequences is a bit of projection. We aren't a city of skanks.

A better analogy would have been of someone spending the last 7 years in an abusive relationship, where they were lied to, insulted, robbed and slapped around on a daily basis. Then along comes someone else, someone who's a good person and who has the background to prove it and they say, "you deserve better, and I'm going to help you."

Now of course the abuser has fans. Why not? Even Paul Bernardo had women obsessed with him and mailing him marriage proposals. And the fans are still trying to persuade us how wonderful the abuser was and how terrible anyone who would rescue us from the abuse would be.

Okay, now before I descend into Mallick-like looniness, let me put it in basic terms: Miller's regime sucked, Ford is going to bring fiscal responsibility, accountability and concern for the citizen back to city hall. And the trough-feeders who are going to see the gravy cut off are angry. Good.

Admin said...

Mallick seems to be obsessed with sexual perversion... remember her previous opus slagging Sarah Palin ?

Anonymous said...

"the manifestation of a seething hatred."

A long time ago when I knew little of this person, I read a review of a book of photography. One picture showed some young man riding on a train, relaxing and laughing; Heather informed the readers the photo captured "the uselessness of young men."
This woman is not quite right and it's almost unethical that her media cronies continue to encourage her.

Honey Pot said...

Yeah, we all wanted to know that in her spare time Mallick is a drunken slut who picks up men in bars.

Van Grungy said...

As long as freedom of information (speech) is instant and widespread, Marxism and Islamism will lose..

In the microcosm of Toronto, the Internet has destroyed the MSM head lock on the political discourse happening around every water cooler and poker game...

No longer may the MSM obscure the past and make us forget...


But the dark side still seeks to control as we type...

The way things are going, Nov 2012 will be a referendum on UN membership in the USA... As long as the Internet is free, We The People will resist and 'refudiate' the UN utterly..

As pertains to our microcosm of Toronto, I believe, what happens in Toronto portends the future of free choice and citizen power in all of North America...

As long as the Internet remains open and free..

God bless the Taxed Enough Already Cultural Revolution, and thank humans for the internet.

Anonymous said...

There was another interview on CP24 with some liberal elitist saying Ford is a millionaire who will run roughshod over the little guy.

Give me a break! It is the unelected bureaucrats and self-serving politicians, in league with peripheral leeches in human rights/community activism that has put us in this financial mess; a nationwide, systemic mess.

Don't blame me and the Fords when the chickens come home to roost, you smug liberal hypocrites.

Anonymous said...

Mallick is one sick dude. If her drink fetish causes her such exceptional low self esteem/loathing, then why would a so-called newspaper see fit to publish it ?