This is not from The Onion:
An "aggressive" squirrel has been arrested by German police officers after a woman complained it was stalking her.MORE
Police in North Rhine-Westphalia received the bizarre emergency call on Wednesday from a woman who claimed the rodent was chasing her.
The woman, from Bottrop, tried to give the pursuant rodent the slip but eventually rang the police out of desperation.
Officers captured the squirrel and "arrested it," according to a message posted on the force's Facebook page...