NDP parliamentarians with tongue piercings want Canadians to take it Greek style

Who doesn't love to have oral sex preformed on them?

That was, of course, a rhetorical question, since every adult human who ever lived loves having oral sex performed on them. History teaches us that receiving oral sex is so fantastic, it's worth risking the most powerful elected office in the world over.

But in the same way that everyone likes to eat, but not everyone likes to cook, there are (so I'm told) some people who don't enjoy performing oral sex.  That's why it's always thrilling to meet someone with a tongue stud. A tongue stud enhances the pleasure of oral sex for the recipient. It doesn't discriminate on the basis of gender, improving the experience of both men and women on the receiving end of a tongue stud lashing. Having a tongue stud demonstrates a commitment to performing oral sex to the extent of willingness to be painfully mutilated in service of the cause.

NDP Deputy Leader Megan Leslie

Going to that sort of extreme could be seen as an act of altruism. Or insanity.

To decide which, try gently jabbing your tongue with a sharp, thick needle. If that sounds crazy, just imagine puncturing your tongue all the way through, then having a piece of metal permanently lodged in the hole you created. That piece of metal will damage your teeth over time and will be the cause of continual infection risks.

Megan Leslie, the NDP Member of Parliament for Halifax, Thomas Mulcair's hand-picked Deputy Leader, has a tongue stud. The same Megan Leslie whose last notable achievement for the NDP was to bring them in to disrepute for using her website to promote a meeting of nutty 9-11 conspiracy theorists.

Encouragingly, Leslie isn't the only NDP MP with a pierced tongue. Laurin Liu, the MP for Rivière-des-Mille-Îles, also has one.

Despite all this, fears of an NDP caucus impeded by disfigured tongues are unfounded. What should be of real worry is that while distracting us with tongue studs and promises of creating a nation able to lay back and enjoy itself,  the actual aim of NDP policy is for Canadians to assume the Greek position, economically, as a bottom.

The NDP has adopted anti-austerity positions that are virtually identical to those that caused the Greek economic disaster. The NDP has told us that in no uncertain terms. Not spending more money than you can afford to is a basic concept that has eluded the NDP's brain trust. If elected, the NDP will rely on crackpots and halfwits at their party-linked think tanks, The Broadbent Institute and The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives, to create an environment which will brutally ravage Canada's economy and taxpayers.

Thomas Mulcair is a smart politician. But the Megan Leslies, Charlie Anguses, Niki Ashtons and similar NDP parliamentarians he has placed in senior positions are indicative of what Mulcair has to choose from among his caucus. Remember in the Austin Powers movies, when Dr. Evil presided over his minions musing, "why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"  That's what Tom Mulcair's Cabinet meetings will look like in the event of an NDP election win.

Beyond that, the NDP remains thoroughly dominated by union bosses and radical special interest groups. Between them, if they get to remake legislation to suit their greedy aims, it will be a money shot so disastrously messy, our great-grandchildren will still have to clean it up.

I'm sure Megan Leslie and Laurin Liu and most of the other NDP MPs who think self-mutilation is a good idea are perfectly nice people. They're probably very lovely to have at barbecues and cocktail parties, and have generally pleasant dispositions. But that's no qualification for managing the Canadian economy.

The NDP will try to entice you in all sorts of ways, but be prepared to be left painfully unsatisfied by them. Despite the illusions, distractions and promises, it's their own self-fulfillment that they care about most.