The antics of Rob Ford are so infuriatingly embarrassing that they taint every single citizen of Toronto with a cloud of shame. At least that is the inescapable impression one gets from reading The Toronto Star, The Globe and Mail, Now Magazine and a variety of other self-obsessed media orifices is the world's most world-classiest city.
If the media is any reflection of popular will, Ford has made being a Torontonian in 2014 so overwhelmingly humiliating, it is mind-boggling that Ontario's entire capitol city hasn't filled up an armada of U-Hauls and embarked on a mass exodus to more progressive pastures, such as in the enlightened Pacific metropolis of Vancouver.
Still, Ford seems to enjoy unassailable popularity with a subhuman class of citizen known by the sobriquet Ford Nation. But the cultivated people who comprise the rest of the city understand the damage caused by the daily assault on the self-esteem of the thinking Torontonian as a result of being vicariously associated with Rob Ford.
Toronto's media nabobs have assumed a near-unified voice that was best expressed by an outraged protester at a City Hall demonstration, her pain reflected in her sour, prune-faced declaration:
Ford has used cocaine, he has been drunk in public, and yet his support remains rock-solid. But what if Ford was to do something far worse than any of these past transgressions?
What if Ford were to be involved in the type of scandal where he was caught in a brothel, perhaps of the type that exploited poor, immigrant women, turning them into virtual sex slaves?
Imagine Rob Ford being caught by police naked in such a place. Then, with a prostitute leaving his rented cubicle holding a kleenex freshly damp from Ford's venereal excretion, he lied to a police officer and claimed he was just getting a "shiatsu."
Then imagine if higher-ups in the police department colluded to keep the matter a secret.
|A "community clinic." Seriously?
Surely then, all of Canada's media would be clamoring for Ford's head and the public along with them?
Let's take this scenario another step. What if this denizen of sleazy, disease-ridden bordellos were to contract a "mystery illness" which he and his family refused to disclose? Were Rob Ford to tragically die from a malady of that nature, there would be no end to the media speculation of the nature of the illness, how he came by it, and why it was being kept a secret.
Or take it just one more unlikely step further. What if Rob Ford's wife, who has no real noteworthy political accomplishment to her name, and who is a dismal public speaker with no real achievement in life other than being the wife of a famous person, was then practically dragooned into running for mayor?
No doubt the media would be united in reviling such a candidacy, wouldn't they?
Naturally, this is all just fantasizing. Nothing so far-fetched could happen in real life, could it?